he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
