Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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