Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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