You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
