I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
