my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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