so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
