is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
