I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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