she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
