i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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