I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
