no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
