I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
