HIV tests are more positive than that guy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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