Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
