i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
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