It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
