i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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