You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
