So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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