Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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