We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
