I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
