you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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