Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
