Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
