He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
