First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
