I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
