She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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