she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Rumble strips road head = magical
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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