There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
