Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
