does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
