can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh god it's open bar.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
