Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
birth control should be required to get into college
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
