my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The air taste purple.
Randomize
