Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
