i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
