I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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