Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
