just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
