its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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