i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
