do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
