next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
