There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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