ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
