Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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